my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
