end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
