just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
