who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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