I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
