where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
