Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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