oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
