Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
