Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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