Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
