I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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