and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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