were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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