New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
