I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
