In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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