Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
