wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
