after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry about my life...
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