The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
