Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
