I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
