Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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