So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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