Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize