i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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