You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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