You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
