you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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