You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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