I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
