So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
