They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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