Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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