I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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