So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
