Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
