Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
