I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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