She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
