If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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