so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
