I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
