"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
