So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
