This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
