I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
