CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
