Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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