Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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