My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My nipple is on Facebook.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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