Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
whose parrot is this?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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