Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize