Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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