Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
