I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
