So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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