I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
