when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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